Current mood:

content

Asexuality
I guess that I've always really known that I just wasn't attracted to people *that way*, if at all. It wasn't until a few months ago that I sort of realized that 'hey, I'm asexual,' and even more recently that I've accepted that I have never experienced romantic/sexual attraction. It's interesting, because I had thought that I'd had crushes, but I really hadn't. It's so rare that I even feel that I want to be friends with someone that I, well, I guess that I confused these feelings because of the idea that's always been thrown at me that you have to like someone. From the earliest ages, other girls ask 'who do you like?' and I had to find a way to answer. You figure that everyone else feels those things, so you probably do too, even though you can't figure what the hell everyone else is talking about.

I never actually cared or thought about it until a few months ago. Never figured what the big deal was. But family started pestering me (why haven't you ever had a boyfriend?), and always acted like it's something that just a matter of time. Then you have friends discussing my sexual preference and not accepting my 'no preference' answer (^_^). And discussions with two separate friends about my visions for the future that led to puzzlement at the idea that I never expressed desire for another person to be there. I just thought that I had other things to worry about (books and learning and academics) and couldn't be bothered, but thought that I had at least experienced traces of these things. Recent inquiries to people, all over the place, really, have made me realize that I've felt nothing like what most people describe. And I'm cool with that.

This isn't to say that I would never be willing to shack up with someone for the sake of companionship or shared interests or whatever...but if I did it wouldn't be because of attraction in the normal sense. Maybe a hyper-friend thing?